Yes, I admit it’s getting better, It’s getting better all the time

And so it goes!  I spent the week away from site for Reconnect (two days of meetings after the first three months in site), Kaqchikel (Mayan language) classes, and Brenda’s wedding (my host sister from training).  It was a jammed pack week:  I got a bacterial stomach infection, was able to speak with the U.S. ambassador (Q &A session), had several more trainings, got a nasty cough, relaxed with my friends on a rooftop with an amazing view of the volcano Pacaya, and tore-up the dance floor at Brenda’s boda.  Though I was resistant to leave my site since the school year’s end is quickly upon us and there’s still a lot to do, I really enjoyed sharing my experiences and hearing about other volunteers’ experiences too.

Since I’ve returned to San Andrés, I feel like I’ve hit the ground running.  I’ve spent several weeks agonizing over my first workshop and it will finally be happening this upcoming week.  I wanted the teachers already involved in the program to facilitate it in order to share their experiences and show that even though some of the program requirements may seem difficult to obtain, it’s not impossible.  I made some more progress this week with re-scheduling the workshops, distributing the invitations to the directors, and meeting with the facilitators.  I also gave more of my introductory talks at two of the schools I’m working with.  I was a bit nervous since I felt out-of-practice after a week in Antigua, and one of the schools is has a lot of teachers, which can be intimidating.   Instead, both charlas (talks) went surprisingly well, full of laughter, Kaqchikel, and growing confianza (trust).  On my way between schools, I ended up stopping to visit another one just to say hello.  They greeted me warmly and generously fed me two hard boiled eggs in tomato sauce and atol (hot cereal drink like liquefied oatmeal).  On my way to the other school I asked directions in Kaqchikel,  “Yibe pa’ tijob’äl Chutistancia.  Utz pa’ b’e?”  I ended up getting there alright so I’ll take that as a good sign!

There were two large meetings of all the teachers this week to discuss the possibility of a teachers strike and for a workshop.  This was the first time that at a large gathering, I didn´t feel completely out of place, but was welcomed and greeted by many.  I joked around, impressed people with my error-ridden elementary Kaqchikel, and made some plans for next week.  As I walked around town this week, I was greeted my more warm smiles and a feeling that I am beginning to be accepted.  The fact that I can begin to joke with teachers and be more of myself feels great.  The Kaqchikel is also helping since people expect me to speak Spanish, English, or German.  All in all, things are beginning to really fall into place, and I’m beginning to feel that I serve a purpose here.

Me, delicate?!**

I was chatting with my friend the other day about my experiences in Guatemala so far.  As we continued to talk about difficulties integrating or building relationships, she admitted that a lot of stereotypes about North Americans and Europeans influence people’s perception of me.  One of which is that we’re delicate.  “Delicate?  Like my stomach is sensitive?” I inquired curiously.  “Well, in all ways.  Just more delicate than us,” she vaguely explained, leaving me to ponder her statement. 

To give a bit more context to our conversation, we were talking about adapting to life in Guatemala, about novios, and about men.  I told her how I ignore men when they shout at me here, but in the U.S. I would probably shout back or do something because I simply wouldn’t take such disrespect there.   When I thought about it further, I looked back at the latter statement.  I hate it when men yell at me, try to touch me, or just slow down their car to stare at me in a disgustingly intimate and dehumanizing way, and yet I do nothing about it here.  In a sense, I feel powerless since I am respecting cultural norms by ignoring these actions.  I have never seen a Guatemalan woman react to such things.  I used to wonder to myself, “Why don’t you do anything—say anything?!”  In this sense, my feeling violated and subsequent desire to act out could be seen as delicate—I let it affect me.  To me though, my acting out is my way of showing strength and not allowing someone else to dominate me.   Guatemalan women in my community seem to have a silent, steady, endurance, and strength.  In this sense it is rather a cultural difference between the internal and external.  Both “strengths” and “weaknesses” can be seen as positives or negatives depending on the perspective.  To clarify, Western women may ironically be seen as delicate for externally expressing their internal strength.  Guatemalan women, on the other hand, may be seen as submissive or passive for not visibly expressing the stoic strength that leaves them unaffected.

Perhaps we are more delicate, unaccustomed to the stark gender inequalities, poverty, and difficulties of living in the “developing” world.  Or perhaps we have found our voice and don’t want to be silenced or oppressed again.  Either way, there is value in both reactions—whether it is a stoic strength that must endure in order to survive or a loud voice of resistance to domination. 

**This blog relates specifically to the experiences that I have had and witnessed in my largely Mayan rural community.